I know I’m not the only one who sometimes imagines how I would respond if I could have a “do over”. I stew about past mistakes and think about what it would be like to have a fresh start. It can be draining.
Sometimes we whine about fairly inconsequential things. For example (and I may or may not have said any of these things, okay?):
“If I had it to do over again, I think I’d have … Continue reading How would you finish this sentence?
I know people who would be happy with that pronouncement. People who really don’t want too much interference from an all-knowing, all-powerful Deity who might have some different ideas about what constitutes a meaningful life.
With those marching orders, they could define “pretty great” for themselves, and the ambiguity of “old” would suit them just fine. Doing their best could mean pursuing happiness on their own terms, finding their own pleasure. That could work out really well.
Until it doesn’t. Continue reading If God said this to you, would it be enough?
I chose to be part of the OneWord365 movement this year – the idea being that instead of making New Year’s resolutions, you prayerfully select a single word and focus on it for a full year, noting how it influences your life each day. I chose “harmony” as my word for 2013. This is my update on how it’s going.
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Did you ever buy a new car and suddenly it seems every third car you see on the road is the same make and model as the one you just bought? (Excuse me, when did the whole world decide to buy a Toyota Prius??)
That’s how it is for me with HARMONY.
Everywhere I turn, I’m noticing this word. I see it referenced in the Bible, I come across articles that address it. Even in conversation, harmony comes up regularly.
That tells me this is definitely a concept I need to focus on.
One of the best discussions out there about harmony is Continue reading Finding Beauty in Tension
It’s Saturday and, as I mentioned last week, on Saturdays I’d like to share content related to singles. This post originally appeared on SingleMatters; married or single, I hope you find it helpful!
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Why is it that once some (not all) people get married, they seem to have all the answers for their single friends? They are now success stories, automatically qualified to share dating advice, suggest possible matches, and impart wisdom, for they have “arrived”.
Some will even happily preach you a sermonette about how to find the partner God has in mind for you. (Which assumes marriage is God’s plan for everyone and that there is such a thing as a soulmate for you out there – a topic worthy of much deeper discussion and that was recently addressed with great eloquence here. But I digress.)
In their enthusiasm, they usually mean well. And to be fair, not all their suggestions are unwelcome. Some may even be helpful.
But if you’re married, here’s one way NOT to help your single friends “put things in perspective”: Continue reading One Thing Not to Say to Your Single Friends
On Saturdays, I’d like to focus on singles in this blog, since many who are single feel they are leading “workaround” lives. (I was a single parent for 18 years; I get that.) I’ll be sharing content here from SingleMatters, a blog I write with Marie Shepherd, and also sharing insights from other relevant sources and writers. A variation of the post that follows originally appeared on SingleMatters last April.
Have you ever participated in a “Fun Run”? Maybe it was only a few miles, to raise money for a worthy cause. There was no real pressure and you really didn’t give a moment’s thought to actually winning your age bracket.
But there you were, jostling with the other runners at the start, feeling all healthy and honorable, and you found yourself sizing up the people around you. Continue reading Passed By A Pregnant Chick
Confession time. Lately I’ve realized there are a number of things in my life that really aren’t up to me. I may have a role to play in them or I may wish I had more influence over them, but the end result is actually out of my hands. Frankly, if I’m to be truthful, this is kind of a relief.
Here are ten, in no particular order.
It’s not my job:
1. To bring others around to my way of thinking – I am entitled to my opinion and have a responsibility to form these opinions based on truth and prayerful consideration. But ultimately it’s not up to me to decide for someone else or attempt to convince them of a different point of view, however well-intentioned I may think I am. Continue reading Ten Things That Aren’t My Job
Maybe it all depends on how you define home.
The high school I graduated from in North Miami, Florida, has been torn down and the areas around the original site are now a blight. The old neighborhoods are unrecognizable and some are even dangerous. Very little is the way it was when we were young.
Still, this past weekend 50 of my high school friends gathered on a Florida beach to celebrate a shared milestone birthday. Former classmates traveled from Texas, Colorado, Massachusetts, Illinois . . . and of course, every corner of Florida, to be together. It was important. Continue reading Sometimes You CAN Go Home Again
The Hasidim have a tale about a rabbi named Meir
who used to worry that God would reproach him
in his final days and say, “Meir! Why did you not
become Meir?”
~ Poet David Kirby, “Mr. Dithers Explains It All”
The problem I have – and this is part of leading a “workaround” life – is that I am painfully aware I did not become who I thought I would become. I mean, seriously, this did not work out the way I envisioned it would, on SO many levels.
I’m pretty sure if I had another chance, I would skip over the pesky derailments and embarrassing failures. I would try harder to orchestrate things so that my life was more honorable and certainly more significant – in my mind, I would be a “better” person, if I could do it all over.
Does that mean I have not “become Diane” and that I should expect a divine reproach someday?
I was talking to my brother the other day about how as parents we try so hard to protect our children, to keep them from making the same mistakes we made. We want to spare them the pain and embarrassment we suffered, the setbacks and failures we brought on ourselves. And if we’re honest, there’s a part of us that wants to correct our own screw-ups through our kids which is of course, impossible. Maybe it’s a kind of redemption that we are trying to engineer for ourselves: a do-over through our children.
Wow, that is so NOT Biblical, but it is pretty common. That hovering and overprotecting is where we get the term “helicopter parents”.
I think that desire to protect our sons and daughters comes from a good place, a tender heart-shaped place. But my brother, wise sage that he is, reminded me that kids have to make their own mistakes and learn from them like we did so they can become who they are supposed to be. He pointed out the application in my own life, how if I had done things differently, I wouldn’t be who I am now. And then he observed that my life has turned out pretty well and I’m in a good place, so it’s not all bad. (Thanks, bro.)
Yes, there are many things I would change if I could, but news flash: It’s not going to happen. This is my workaround life and it’s not perfect but, really, is anyone’s?
So about that divine reproach: I don’t think God is going to scold me for not becoming Diane. I think perhaps He will reveal to me the many ways He creatively redeemed all those blunders and made me exactly who He knew I would become all along.
And I think He’s going to tell me again how wildly He loves me, just the way I am.
Are you living a workaround life? Is there a part of you that has ever wondered whether God is going to berate you someday for not “turning out” better? For not using your one and only life a little more wisely? Your thoughts and comments are invited ~
Remember when you were a kid and your parents would get frustrated with you because you wouldn’t eat your vegetables? Your mom would try to convince you that they were good for you (as if that were a compelling reason for a 9-year old to eat something like green beans). Finally, in a fit of exasperation your dad would boom, “You will EAT them and you will LIKE them or you won’t be allowed to (fill in the blank)!”
I think that’s when I first got really good at passive aggressiveness. Okay, I would eat them, but he could NOT make me like them!
Yes, I know, some kids were crazy about green beans, but I wasn’t one of them. It took a while for me to find something about them that could get me past their taste and texture to actually choose them as part of my diet. Certainly, my taste buds had to mature; but more important, I had to mature enough to see the big picture: that my health was key to my happiness.
My mother was right; those green beans were loaded with nutrients that made them good for me and that was reason enough for me to eat them and eventually come to like them. Now they bring back memories of Thanksgiving casseroles and the particular warmth and aroma of my Grandmother’s kitchen (especially if you throw in some cream of mushroom soup and a can of those fried onions).
Singleness can hit us the same way. Maybe deep down we know being single could be the best thing for us right now. We may have some work to do on ourselves before we have any business being in another relationship. We may even know that singleness could actually be a wise choice for our long-term happiness.
Fine. But darn if we’re going to like it!
We stamp our foot (figuratively, of course) and refuse to consider that God may have something important to teach us during this season and that it could actually turn out to be a time of unparalleled spiritual growth and emotional healing. We don’t want to approach singleness with a sense of expectation and humility; we just want to be in a relationship!
Turns out, green beans won’t kill you. They might even make you healthier, if you make them a regular part of your diet. (And go easy on the cream of mushroom soup and fried onions!)
I’m pretty sure singleness won’t kill you either. You could even find something about this season to like, as you look at the big picture and choose to trust that God will use your present to form your future.
Now. About Brussels sprouts . . .
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