Tag Archives: Christ

If I Knew Then What I Know Now

blueprintI was the single parent of a first-grader when I decided to have an addition put on my house. I had no idea what I was getting myself into; I only knew I needed more space and an upstairs bathroom in this tiny Cape Cod.

I’ll never forget the Saturday morning my little daughter came into my room to tell me, “Mommy, there are some men at the door to work on our house. I think they’re speaking Italian.” I told her I’d be right there to let them in, to which she responded, “Oh, I already did.”

Thankfully, they were the plumbers my general contractor had sent, not some nefarious scam artists prowling the neighborhood. By the time I got into the kitchen they were unloading their tools and already (presumably) discussing their strategy for upgrading my ancient pipes to accommodate the new plumbing – in Polish, not Italian, by the way.

The remodeling project went on for months. And truthfully? I thought I would lose my mind. I hadn’t realized the disruption it would cause. I never expected to have to make so many decisions about things I knew nothing about. And frankly, I had no idea how much it was going to end up costing by the end.

Yep, I was pretty naive to take that project on.

In the end I was glad I had done it, but I’ll be honest with you: If I had known what I was getting myself into, I seriously doubt I would have attempted it.  

As I was walking my dog in the neighborhood recently, I was reflecting on that experience and the whole if I had it to do over again part. Then a sobering thought came to me, Continue reading If I Knew Then What I Know Now

The Exquisite Ache of Mothering

022387 Brand new Allison (crop)
Welcome to the world!

These are things I ask myself: Why does a woman long for motherhood? Just what is the irresistible draw?  Is it the desire to bring a child into the security of a warm circle of love?  The particular mix of hormones brought on by the passage of a certain number of birthdays? Acquiescence to relentless pressure from family and friends? An unquenchable desire to love and be loved in a wholly unique way?

Perhaps it’s a combination of all these. Whatever the answer, if God should allow her that privilege, there are a few things she should know: Continue reading The Exquisite Ache of Mothering

One of the most powerful forces on earth

Amit letter (3)On Valentine’s Day, a letter arrived in my mailbox from the little boy I sponsor in Bangladesh through Compassion International. Through an interpreter, he told me about his Christmas and what he had been able to get with the money I had sent him and his family. At the end of the letter, the translator (Timothio) noted, “He is weak in education. Please pray for him. He also prays for you.”

Imagine … a 9 year-old child in a Third World country, praying for me. I was undone. Continue reading One of the most powerful forces on earth

I Saw God When I Opened My Laptop Today

No, not like one of those apparitions where Jesus’ face appears on a grilled cheese sandwich or a weeping Virgin Mary is seen on a dirt-streaked wall.

The smudged screen didn’t hint at a bearded, long-haired man if I squinted just so. Nope, not like that at all.

It was more of a simple reminder. A message that a vast, all-powerful God could peek into my seemingly insignificant life to say a quick, “Hey, love you!”

Here’s what happened: Continue reading I Saw God When I Opened My Laptop Today

Is Singleness A Workaround?

It’s Saturday, so I’d like to share this post for singles. A version of it appeared here in April 2011.

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Photo: stock.xchng
Photo: stock.xchng

This surprised me: More than fifty per cent of U.S. residents are now single, nearly a third of all households are comprised of just one resident, and five million adults younger than thirty-five live alone*.

Singleness is hardly rare and single adults of all ages have a considerable amount of influence on American culture, from their purchasing habits to their entertainment choices.

But would singleness be considered a “workaround”? Continue reading Is Singleness A Workaround?

Why It’s Time to Rethink Christmas

Incarnation Day

If you were to visit my neighborhood tonight, you wouldn’t have to go far before being confronted by more than one of those front yard animatronic Santas that repeatedly drop their drawers to reveal “Happy Holidays” written in script on their rears. Down the block, there’s a rifle-toting Frosty the Snowman in camouflage gear, while SpongeBob grins weirdly at baby Jesus in the blow-up manger scene close by. I live in the Midwest, but I’m sure that wherever you are, the scene is similar.

It’s all very confusing.

Christmas has come to represent over-the-top materialism, endless parties, spiked eggnog, and that ubiquitous loop of holiday songs in the background everywhere – even at the gas station. It seems obvious: Christmas has been turned into a mostly secular holiday.

But before you go getting all nervous that I am about to launch into a rant about how NOT to observe Christmas, let me assure you I have exactly the opposite intent. Here’s my suggestion for a more meaningful season: Continue reading Why It’s Time to Rethink Christmas

And I Thought MY Life Was a Workaround

Despite our best efforts (or maybe because we often withhold our best efforts), we are forced to continually bob and weave, reposition, and adjust in this life. Even if all our own choices were wise (unlikely), we would still be operating in the company of other flawed humans.  We all lead workaround lives.

But have you ever stopped to think about who led the ultimate workaround life? Continue reading And I Thought MY Life Was a Workaround

You Can Mock Me About These Things and I Won’t Cry (Really)

flickr.com by DonkeyHotey

I love donkeys. And come on, elephants are just plain cool!

Can we just leave it at that?  Can we stop there before you write me off because of my political leanings or I get upset with you for yours? In spite of all the naysayers and Chicken Littles in the media, I don’t really think we’re looking at the end of life as we know it as a result of the 2012 election (or any other election). But it’s okay; if you insist on continuing to needle me, go ahead. I doubt I’ll be dissolving into tears over it. Continue reading You Can Mock Me About These Things and I Won’t Cry (Really)

My Eureka Moment While Watching “Under the Tuscan Sun”

In recent months, my co-author and I have agonized over the best approach for our book on singleness. We thought we had it; then we weren’t so sure. We have both worked with singles and single parents for years and have many stories to share about those who have found healing and wholeness as singles. Our desire has always been to encourage singles and help them understand their value. We say we want them to be “whole-hearted singles” and that all singles have equal worth in the eyes of God, even though in the church singles often feel “less than” because they aren’t married.

The New Testament invites all to be part of the family of believers and to reproduce spiritually, whether single or married. In that view, the family is as much a spiritual entity as a physical one and the role singles have to play in God’s story is both significant and unique. I’m on board with all of that.

Then one night in September I was watching the movie “Under the Tuscan Sun” on TV (for about the third time since it came out in 2003) and an interesting thing happened in my heart.

If you saw the movie, you may recall the premise. Diane Lane plays a woman in her mid-30s who has been dumped by her husband and who goes to Italy to start a new, independent life. But even though she is successful at renovating this rundown villa and making lots of new, wonderful friends, she still longs to be in a loving relationship. There’s a scene near the end – and this is where I was drawn into the story again in a personal way – where she watches a married man, who has become a close friend, interact tenderly with his wife and family. It is clear that Lane’s character aches with longing to be in a relationship like that. I was ambushed by the emotions she portrayed and was transported back to that place in my own life.

Understand: I was a single parent for 18 years before I remarried five years ago. I raised my daughter alone and developed a deep, abiding dependency on Christ during that time thanks to prayer, a strong church and the support of committed Christian friends. If anyone understands that singleness can be rewarding and that Jesus is sufficient, it’s me.

But watching that scene, I remembered with painful clarity the times when I was single that I, too, ached for another chance at love; the times I gave in to self-condemnation, thinking that perhaps I just didn’t deserve it; and the feelings of resignation and sadness that I would probably grow old “alone”. That night, in front of the TV, I was there all over again and the intensity of my reaction caught me by surprise. I was reminded that we are truly created for relationship and that the longing to be loved is a universal one. I was also reminded of how crushing that desire can be.

Here’s what I concluded: We may acknowledge on an intellectual level that singleness is useful and honorable for the long haul – perhaps even preferable for some – and Christ can meet our needs. That is truth right out of the Bible. But we tend to believe that this applies to others, not to us. I may be wrong about this, but I think the majority of singles don’t really want to stay single, even with Jesus by their side; they want to be in a loving human relationship. And no amount of casting singleness in a more “spiritual” light – however valid and Biblical – is going to make them want to stay where they didn’t want to be in the first place.

Asking people to accept singleness as an acceptable long-term alternative to marriage may be a valid effort, but it still feels to many like the consolation prize (especially in the Christian community). And what happens is, singles spend so much energy trying to get out of being single, they miss the rare opportunities for growth where they are.

Perhaps singles would be better served by being encouraged to make the most of this time while they are single. What if we gave practical steps for singles to confirm their value, find healing, experience wholeness, and enjoy community while single in ways that simply aren’t possible while in a committed relationship? Think of it as “becoming singleful” – making the most of a unique time of life, whether it is for a season or a lifetime.

What do you think it would look like to become “singleful”? Do you know anyone you might call “singleful”?

Have you had a moment of clarity that shifted your thinking about an important issue? What led up to it and how did you respond?

Let’s Reclaim the Value of Singleness

It’s 7:00 on a Friday night and the lobby is filling up fast. The women are dressed to the nines, sizing up the other women, trying to get a read on the “competition”, while the outnumbered men – looking a little awkward and uncomfortable themselves – are checking out the women.  There’s a band starting up in the auditorium and the air is electric with expectation.

It’s not a rock concert.  It’s a singles “Kickoff” event at a suburban church.

The newcomers have a hard time distinguishing between the pulsing bass and their own thrumming heartbeats.  The seasoned pros practice looking nonchalant, bobbing their heads and tapping their fingers to the beat of the music.  Everyone is nervous and hopeful.

A young widow fights the urge to turn around and run back to her car. A newly-divorced accountant wonders if this was such a good idea after the stressful day he just had.  The single mom hopes the evening won’t end with her wishing she had stayed home with her preschooler. The never-married machinist hopes no one remembers the unintentional slur against “40 year old single guys” from the pulpit a few weeks ago.  And the professional woman debates whether to tell the men she is in law enforcement or make something up, just for tonight. 

There are people there with secrets they don’t want anyone to know and others with gaping emotional wounds. Most are just lonely and longing to be understood. And truth be told, all of them are hoping to find someone who will want to know them, value them, and make them whole.  

 

The scene above plays out regularly, year after year, in churches nationwide:  Singles looking to get out of being single, wanting to find someone with whom they can enjoy and share life.  Many never realize they could be taking advantage of a remarkable opportunity for personal healing, meaningful community, and unique intimacy with Christ as a single, whether or not they eventually marry.

They are missing their chance to be “Whole-Hearted Singles”.

What if singleness was not just a life stage to get through on the way to something “better”, but a status of great significance to embrace, whether for a season or a lifetime?

Do you believe singles really can enjoy a deeply satisfying intimacy with Christ and a thrilling experience of the true community He wants for His followers?

Did you know there’s a Biblical basis for singleness that raises the value of singles and gives them equal status and significance in the eyes of God?

I’m writing a book about this with a seasoned pastor at my church.  Your input – whether you are single or married – is more than welcome!