Tag Archives: value

Motherhood, Single Parenting, Uncategorized

This is not a picture of my sister and me

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A week or so ago, I ambled through a lovely antique store in SW Florida. Everything was organized and displayed with genuine care, not at all jumbled and random as many such places can be. It felt like the shop owner had bestowed a kind of gentle honor on all these vestiges of other people’s lives.

Awkward poseI was drawn to a basket of old pictures and postcards. It was enchanting . . . but a little sad. These precious (at one time) family mementos were now items of little value beyond curiosity and a bit of speculation.

Postcards from the early 1900s conveyed greetings from far flung destinations like New York City, Sweden, and Holland (not the one in Michigan) to loved ones back home in small towns . . . news of stagecoaches, difficult people, and homesickness all written in careful script.

One dear lady worried in her postcard about three one dollar bills she had misplaced before she left and gave instructions for what to do with the money if it was found. Continue reading This is not a picture of my sister and me →

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Christian Life, Community, Faith, Friendship, Prayer

The High Cost of Drama, Assumptions, and False Agreements

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I could feel myself sliding into a funk.

Traveling with a group of my closest friends over the last several years had always been restorative. Relaxing. Outrageously fun. But now it had taken on additional layers. Somehow drama and dysfunction had been introduced into the mix this time around, a complication that had never been a part of any previous experience.

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Looked at through a particular lens, you could say it made us more like a family. After all, families are imperfect, right?  And it doesn’t mean we don’t love each other. (I rather prefer that view.)

It started with a minor misunderstanding that morphed into hurt feelings and doubts about motives. Tears. Words. Then hugs. Forgiveness.

And for me, a lingering darkness. Here’s why. Continue reading The High Cost of Drama, Assumptions, and False Agreements →

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Christian Life, Faith, Motherhood

Are You Dreading a Divine Scolding?

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The Hasidim have a tale about a rabbi named Meir
who used to worry that God would reproach him
in his final days and say, “Meir! Why did you not
become Meir?”  

~ Poet David Kirby, “Mr. Dithers Explains It All”

The problem I have – and this is part of leading a “workaround” life – is that I am painfully aware I did not become who I thought I would become.  I mean, seriously, this did not work out the way I envisioned it would, on SO many levels.

I’m pretty sure if I had another chance, I would skip over the pesky derailments and embarrassing failures.  I would try harder to orchestrate things so that my life was more honorable and certainly more significant – in my mind, I would be a “better” person, if I could do it all over.

Does that mean I have not “become Diane” and that I should expect a divine reproach someday?

I was talking to my brother the other day about how as parents we try so hard to protect our children, to keep them from making the same mistakes we made.  We want to spare them the pain and embarrassment we suffered, the setbacks and failures we brought on ourselves.  And if we’re honest, there’s a part of us that wants to correct our own screw-ups through our kids which is of course, impossible.  Maybe it’s a kind of redemption that we are trying to engineer for ourselves: a do-over through our children.

Wow, that is so NOT Biblical, but it is pretty common.  That hovering and overprotecting is where we get the term “helicopter parents”.

I think that desire to protect our sons and daughters comes from a good place, a tender heart-shaped place.  But my brother, wise sage that he is, reminded me that kids have to make their own mistakes and learn from them like we did so they can become who they are supposed to be.  He pointed out the application in my own life, how if I had done things differently, I wouldn’t be who I am now.  And then he observed that my life has turned out pretty well and I’m in a good place, so it’s not all bad.  (Thanks, bro.)

Yes, there are many things I would change if I could, but news flash:  It’s not going to happen.  This is my workaround life and it’s not perfect but, really, is anyone’s?

So about that divine reproach: I don’t think God is going to scold me for not becoming Diane.  I think perhaps He will reveal to me the many ways He creatively redeemed all those blunders and made me exactly who He knew I would become all along.

And I think He’s going to tell me again how wildly He loves me, just the way I am.

Are you living a workaround life?  Is there a part of you that has ever wondered whether God is going to berate you someday for not “turning out” better?  For not using your one and only life a little more wisely?  Your thoughts and comments are invited ~  

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Community, Single Parenting, Singleness

Let’s Reclaim the Value of Singleness

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It’s 7:00 on a Friday night and the lobby is filling up fast. The women are dressed to the nines, sizing up the other women, trying to get a read on the “competition”, while the outnumbered men – looking a little awkward and uncomfortable themselves – are checking out the women.  There’s a band starting up in the auditorium and the air is electric with expectation.

It’s not a rock concert.  It’s a singles “Kickoff” event at a suburban church.

The newcomers have a hard time distinguishing between the pulsing bass and their own thrumming heartbeats.  The seasoned pros practice looking nonchalant, bobbing their heads and tapping their fingers to the beat of the music.  Everyone is nervous and hopeful.

A young widow fights the urge to turn around and run back to her car. A newly-divorced accountant wonders if this was such a good idea after the stressful day he just had.  The single mom hopes the evening won’t end with her wishing she had stayed home with her preschooler. The never-married machinist hopes no one remembers the unintentional slur against “40 year old single guys” from the pulpit a few weeks ago.  And the professional woman debates whether to tell the men she is in law enforcement or make something up, just for tonight. 

There are people there with secrets they don’t want anyone to know and others with gaping emotional wounds. Most are just lonely and longing to be understood. And truth be told, all of them are hoping to find someone who will want to know them, value them, and make them whole.  

 

The scene above plays out regularly, year after year, in churches nationwide:  Singles looking to get out of being single, wanting to find someone with whom they can enjoy and share life.  Many never realize they could be taking advantage of a remarkable opportunity for personal healing, meaningful community, and unique intimacy with Christ as a single, whether or not they eventually marry.

They are missing their chance to be “Whole-Hearted Singles”.

What if singleness was not just a life stage to get through on the way to something “better”, but a status of great significance to embrace, whether for a season or a lifetime?

Do you believe singles really can enjoy a deeply satisfying intimacy with Christ and a thrilling experience of the true community He wants for His followers?

Did you know there’s a Biblical basis for singleness that raises the value of singles and gives them equal status and significance in the eyes of God?

I’m writing a book about this with a seasoned pastor at my church.  Your input – whether you are single or married – is more than welcome!

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