I have several, shall we say, complicated relationships in my life. The identities and details aren’t important here but my struggle to resolve friction and find peace with them, is.
Relational meltdowns leave me reeling. As weird as it may sound, I experience what I imagine suffocation would feel like: desperation turning to panic, then helplessness, hopelessness, and finally, defeat. I know, how dramatic. But perhaps you can relate on some level. Continue reading Breathing Jesus
People ask really cringe-worthy questions of each other all the time, have you noticed?
“Are you pregnant or just putting on weight?”
“What kind of money do you make in that job?”
“You look good… Botox?”
“You’re leaving the ministry? Isn’t that like getting a divorce from God?”
“Why are you still single?”
“What caused your marriage to end; didn’t you try hard enough?”
“Is that a toupee?”
I used to think when I was asked something inappropriate, if I responded, “Excuse me?” the person would repeat the question, hear how outrageous it sounded, and maybe decide to withdraw it.
I’ve found that almost never works. Continue reading A Question That’s Never Inappropriate
Last May I joined a vibrant, growing church in the Chicago suburbs, one very different from the mega-church I had served in for the prior 25 years.
The pastoral staff at my new church is young (by that I mean, the lead pastor is in his early 30s, and he’s the oldest of the bunch). They are all filled with passion, energy, and Godly wisdom that inspires me every time I interact with them. Theirs is the generation taking the Church into the next grand chapter and it’s crazy exciting to be a part of it.
For people like me, who’ve served in the church for most of our lives, there’s a bit of risk here. Continue reading What Christians of “A Certain Age” Should Never Do
To set the stage, I’ve just returned from a two week trip to South Korea and I’m seriously jet lagged.
I have a miserable cold and it’s December 21. Christmas is in four days and I’ve written not the first Christmas card nor done one bit of Christmas shopping or decorating.
The weather is about to turn ugly (again). There’s a winter weather advisory in effect today and bitter cold is said to be heading our way.
But I am so grateful. And I can think of at least five reasons why. Continue reading Five good things about being sick at Christmas
I had a partner in the FBI who was a brilliant agent. Jack* had the ability to survey a complex set of facts and glean exactly what was necessary to make a prosecutable case. He could focus on what mattered and not get distracted by all the rest.
That alone would have been enough to win the admiration of his peers. But the other thing was, Jack was unfailingly respectful to everyone, even those suspected of egregious crimes.
One day we showed up unannounced (not uncommon in the FBI) to talk to a guy who really did not want to answer our questions (also not uncommon in the FBI). The man we were interviewing resorted to insulting us to try and make us angry so we would leave. He called us every vulgar name in the book and cast aspersions on the moral character of every one of our ancestors. That’s putting it nicely.
Jack, in his inimitable style, looked him in the eye and with a smile said, Continue reading Are you at least willing to consider this possibility?
When the fiberglass floor in my upstairs shower cracked due to faulty installation, it was duct tape that kept the water from leaking through to the ceiling below until I could get the whole tray replaced.
When the vacuum cleaner hose split and rendered the vacuum useless, it was duct tape that restored suction and extended old Eureka’s life.
When I realized, going out the door, that the hem of my pant leg was hanging, it was duct tape that made me presentable until I could get home and stitch it up.
There are entire websites devoted to handy and often unusual uses for duct tape. (A friend of mine has been known to put a strip of it over her own mouth. And that’s all you need to know about that.)
It’s patched more than a few holes in window screens around here, and stopped winter chills from seeping in through window frames and door jambs. I mean, who doesn’t have at least one roll of this stuff in their house, car, garage, or office? You probably have some great duct tape “survival” tales yourself.
Admittedly, it’s not always attractive – though it does come in colors now – but there’s beauty in its simplicity. Besides, it’s inexpensive…and it works.
Ideally, we’d never need duct tape. If things always worked the way they’re supposed to and parts didn’t break, we would never have to discover all the ways duct tape can rescue us. Big “if”.
I think of my life as being held together with a kind of duct tape. Far from being a bad thing, this is actually pretty amazing. I’ll tell you why. Continue reading I’m leading a duct tape life
When I was a kid growing up in Key West, there was a young guy in our church, Charlie (not his real name). Every time someone greeted him with, “How you doin’, Charlie?” his response was always, “I’m tired.” Maybe he had a legitimate reason to be constantly exhausted, I don’t know. All I can tell you is, to this day the only thing I remember about that guy is he would always say he was tired.
I shake my head at that now, but I have to wonder, how many times do we – all of us – refer to ourselves in ways that are negative and, over time, allow them to become part of our very identity?
“Tired” seems minor compared to some labels we allow. We accept certain traits about ourselves as unchangeable or certain troubles as inevitable and we miss the truth that we often have a choice.
This morning, my pastor made this specific statement: “God is hard at work in your hopeless situation.” And I started thinking, “What in my life seems hopeless? And if God is hard at work, is it really?”
I was immediately reminded of an interesting story Continue reading The answer to this question is not as easy as it sounds
There’s so much water under this bridge between God and me. He and I have been in a relationship for a very long time. And this praying? I’ve been doing it for decades. I still can’t fully explain how it works but I can tell you, it does. And it feeds my soul.
Entire books – complete with spiral-bound study guides – have been written about prayer so plenty of deep theological scrutiny has already been done. I just want to share a few reasons I personally include you in my prayers: Continue reading This Is Why I Pray for You
We laugh at that because it rings true. Sometimes we can feel like the only place to find a “stable” relationship is, well, in a stable. That’s especially true if we’ve been burned relationally more than a few times. We start to yearn for settled, reliable, safe. But stable relationships are few and far between, as much as we may wish that weren’t so.
Here’s the thing: My sister has horses; four of them and she loves them like children. But she will be among the first to tell you, the only thing stable about them is where they live.
They’re beautiful and unpredictable, thrilling and a little – or a lot – dangerous. (Ask her sometime about dislocated shoulders, torn ACLs and loosened teeth.) To watch them run with wild abandon is to be inspired and awed. (Even the old guys.)
I’ve always loved how God calls attention to the horse’s power and beauty in the Old Testament book of Job: “Do you give the horse its strength or clothe its neck with a flowing mane?” (Job 39:19) At the final judgment, we are told Jesus will ride in victory on a majestic white horse (Revelation 19:11). That’s just cool!
Which brings me to this: When we get right down to it, is a “stable” relationship really what we want out of life?
Recently I was going through a workbook/journal I had kept in connection with a book I read about 10 years ago. I came across something I had written then that not only reminded me of where I was at that time, but how far I’ve come. Here it is (don’t laugh): Continue reading If you want a stable relationship, get a horse
Recently I was asked to take on a small assignment for my church. It was a little outside my comfort zone but not beyond my ability, so I said okay. After all, I’m new there and I had said I wanted to be involved in any way I could.
It’s not a big church; the staff members each wear several hats. This day the worship pastor had put on his videographer “hat” and was asking me questions while filming my answers. (What a relief I wasn’t asked to sing, right?) Continue reading Is it really this simple to show you care?
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