Category Archives: Motherhood

I’ll take the red carnation, thank you – revisiting an odd tradition

This post was originally published for Mother’s Day 2014. It is as relevant now as it ever was, so I am reposting it this year in honor of my sweet Mama. To those of you who never knew her, you missed a real lady.   

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red-Carnations38Recently, I was handed a red carnation as an acknowledgement of my participation in a community event. Looking at it, I was reminded of a tradition in many churches when I was growing up.

On Mother’s Day, at least in the South, when you went to church you wore a carnation on your lapel or dress – a red one if your mother was alive, a white one if she had died. (Do you remember this?) Continue reading I’ll take the red carnation, thank you – revisiting an odd tradition

That’s not just a Christmas tree you see

It took me a long time to realize my Christmas tree was invisible.

I would spend hours clearing space by the front window, putting away the pictures and non-seasonal objects, retrieving boxes from the garage, then sorting through countless ornaments collected over the years . . .

IMG_8538I’d stop to remember where I got that tiny flamingo with the goofy grin and holiday tie, the Santa posed like a rodeo rider on the back of a dolphin. I’d be thrilled when I opened the box containing construction-paper Rudolph, his crooked mouth penned by a fidgety preschooler. (Rudolph always gets the best spot on the tree.)

Smiling, I would carefully unwrap the crooked candle made of wire and plastic beads, and choke up every time at the tiny stocking labelled “FNU” (FBI-speak for “First Name Unknown”).

I’m one of those people who doesn’t buy boxes of glass balls to fill their tree. Every ornament has a special meaning or memory attached to it. I space them out so each one is properly visible and as I do, I let my mind drift back to when I shared this activity with ones now in Heaven, or those now just too busy.

It’s usually an entire afternoon of nostalgia and sentimentality, and for what? Despite its prominent placement in my front window, no one sees this tree. Continue reading That’s not just a Christmas tree you see

I’ll take the red carnation, thank you

 

red-Carnations38Recently, I was handed a red carnation as an acknowledgement of my participation in a community event. Looking at it, I was reminded of a tradition in many churches when I was growing up.

On Mother’s Day, when you went to church you wore a carnation on your lapel or dress – a red one if your mother was alive, a white one if she had died. (Do you remember this?) Continue reading I’ll take the red carnation, thank you

They Called Me “Little Ernie”

 

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Ernestine

Growing up, we always spent our summer vacations with my mother’s extended family in South Carolina. We would head north in our un-airconditioned car from Key West, the three of us kids squabbling in the backseat, my mother constantly trying to keep us from killing each other, and my dad at the wheel, clinching his jaw and patiently pressing on.

After an overnight stay with my paternal grandmother in North Florida, we would roll in to Spartanburg the next day to spend a week or so with aunts, uncles, and cousins – interesting characters that fascinate me even now: the snuff-dipping aunt and her ubiquitous spit cup, the uncle who sang “shaped notes” with the men’s quartet and insisted there was a goat under the house, the eccentric aunt who pretended to read palms, and the gruff uncle who we thought was the luckiest man on the planet because he had a plow horse named Molly.

One of my ancient aunts measured how much we loved her by the volume of food we could stuff in our faces at meal time: “Eat! Eat!” (Those of you from the South will recognize that as a specific love language.) I once ate an entire cantaloupe at lunch just to please her.

I was thrilled when one Sunday, some of the older aunts and second cousins pulled out pictures of my mother as a girl about the age I was at that time. In a flurry of excitement, they declared that I looked “just like her” when she was young and they dubbed me “Little Ernie”. (My mother’s name – which I don’t think she ever liked – was Ernestine.) Continue reading They Called Me “Little Ernie”

I’m leading a duct tape life

duct-tapeWhen the fiberglass floor in my upstairs shower cracked due to faulty installation, it was duct tape that kept the water from leaking through to the ceiling below until I could get the whole tray replaced.

When the vacuum cleaner hose split and rendered the vacuum useless, it was duct tape that restored suction and extended old Eureka’s life.

When I realized, going out the door, that the hem of my pant leg was hanging, it was duct tape that made me presentable until I could get home and stitch it up.

There are entire websites devoted to handy and often unusual uses for duct tape. (A friend of mine has been known to put a strip of it over her own mouth. And that’s all you need to know about that.)

It’s patched more than a few holes in window screens around here, and stopped winter chills from seeping in through window frames and door jambs. I mean, who doesn’t have at least one roll of this stuff in their house, car, garage, or office? You probably have some great duct tape “survival” tales yourself.

Admittedly, it’s not always attractive – though it does come in colors now – but there’s beauty in its simplicity. Besides, it’s inexpensive…and it works.

Ideally, we’d never need duct tape. If things always worked the way they’re supposed to and parts didn’t break, we would never have to discover all the ways duct tape can rescue us. Big “if”.

I think of my life as being held together with a kind of duct tape. Far from being a bad thing, this is actually pretty amazing. I’ll tell you why. Continue reading I’m leading a duct tape life

The Folly of a Change of Fonts

July 17Go ahead. Try any font. From my point of view, it doesn’t matter. The shape of the letters that form the word July, the angles of the number 17 – these are harsh and unnecessary. Even cruel.

Every year I dread this date and the sadness it rekindles. It’s been 16 years. How many more? Continue reading The Folly of a Change of Fonts

The Exquisite Ache of Mothering

022387 Brand new Allison (crop)
Welcome to the world!

These are things I ask myself: Why does a woman long for motherhood? Just what is the irresistible draw?  Is it the desire to bring a child into the security of a warm circle of love?  The particular mix of hormones brought on by the passage of a certain number of birthdays? Acquiescence to relentless pressure from family and friends? An unquenchable desire to love and be loved in a wholly unique way?

Perhaps it’s a combination of all these. Whatever the answer, if God should allow her that privilege, there are a few things she should know: Continue reading The Exquisite Ache of Mothering

This is not a picture of my sister and me

A week or so ago, I ambled through a lovely antique store in SW Florida. Everything was organized and displayed with genuine care, not at all jumbled and random as many such places can be. It felt like the shop owner had bestowed a kind of gentle honor on all these vestiges of other people’s lives.

Awkward poseI was drawn to a basket of old pictures and postcards. It was enchanting . . . but a little sad. These precious (at one time) family mementos were now items of little value beyond curiosity and a bit of speculation.

Postcards from the early 1900s conveyed greetings from far flung destinations like New York City, Sweden, and Holland (not the one in Michigan) to loved ones back home in small towns . . . news of stagecoaches, difficult people, and homesickness all written in careful script.

One dear lady worried in her postcard about three one dollar bills she had misplaced before she left and gave instructions for what to do with the money if it was found. Continue reading This is not a picture of my sister and me

“Quickly, How Are You?”

Public domain image, royalty free stock photo from www.public-domain-image.com

It’s Saturday, so here are some thoughts for our single friends. A version of this post first appeared in July 2012 on SingleMatters.

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A friend of mine years ago used to call me regularly late at night and unload her problems on me. I was an exhausted single mom with a thousand things to do after my little one went down for the night and this was just what I didn’t need.

This friend would drone on and on about everything wrong in her life. She would cry and complain and question the goodness of God. Then, after 30-45 minutes of this she would say, “Well, I have to go, but quickly – how are you?”

My response was always, “Quickly?  I’m fine.” Whether I was or not. And then we would hang up.

You know what? She was a load. Continue reading “Quickly, How Are You?”

I Never Meant to Leave Florida

net_efekt on everystockphoto.com
net_efekt on everystockphoto.com

When I drove out that morning, I was going on vacation to visit a friend in Texas. I was in my mid-twenties and had just extricated myself from a painfully unhappy relationship. I wanted to get far away to recalibrate and regain my perspective. Out of state: perfect.

By the time I got back from my road trip a couple of weeks later, something foundational had shifted in my heart and I had embraced the idea that happiness lay elsewhere. Continue reading I Never Meant to Leave Florida