For some strange reason, the phrase “loving well” keeps popping up for me lately. Just in the last few days, a writer I deeply respect used it in a blog post, my pastor prayed for it in a prayer service, and a friend wished 
for it in a conversation.
So I find myself wondering: what distinguishes loving well from – well, “just” loving?
As I try to nail down the distinction, I think of the people in my life who I would say love well and I ask myself, “What makes him/her come to mind?”
Yes, they put others’ needs above their own, certainly they allow themselves to be vulnerable in relationships, and no doubt they consistently strive to communicate clearly.
But here are some other characteristics that set them apart:
Truth-telling – When my mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer, my friend Marie didn’t ply me with platitudes or false hope. Instead, she said, “This is going to hurt. A lot. But I’m here for you.” She cried with me, prayed for me, and comforted me. And then she wrote a personal letter to both my parents telling them what a good job they had done raising me. That’s loving well.
Softness – When my sister is around challenging people, she looks for a way to see the image of God in them. She considers the value each person adds to the relational equation and finds a way to call out the tenderness she knows is in there. She measures her words and responds graciously; it makes me smile and think, “Now why couldn’t I have said that?” She loves well.
Generosity – My friend Marge doesn’t just give, she lavishes. She never misses an opportunity to encourage with her words and her actions, and always in an authentic, thoughtful way. She takes communion to the dying, she engages the quiet guests, she shows genuine interest in the small stories. Everyone feels better for having been with her. If that’s not loving well, please tell me what is.
Humor – My husband is not a sappy guy but he is always tuned in to what would make others smile. If he sees a John Deere lunchbox, he thinks of my brother-in-law; he scoops it up and stores it for months to give to him for Christmas. A Packers “snuggie” on display at a cigar store? He knows that will make my sister merry, even in July. The hot firefighter refrigerator magnet . . . that one’s going in my “stocking”. His sense of humor is one of his most endearing and loving traits.
Stillness – My Dad embodies John 3:30 by “decreasing so that He might increase”. He is happy to quietly take the supporting role in social interactions and let others have center stage. He regularly serves in many “behind the scenes” ways and that’s perfectly okay with him. But when an opportunity arises to share his faith tactfully, he steps up – whether it’s with the grocery store clerk or the stranger on the hospital elevator. No one loves better than him.
Hustle – My friend Tyler loves with his energy and humility. He’s a brilliant guy who brings his A-game to his career every single day but isn’t above getting down and dirty to do what needs to be done. He’s not a “spotlight” kind of guy – much of what he does is unheralded and perhaps unnoticed. But that doesn’t slow him down. He knows Who he really works for and that’s loving well.
The more I think about this concept, the more examples I can think of: people who put “legs” to their love, who find ways to love creatively, silently, prayerfully.
How about you? Is there someone in you life who loves well? What does that look like?
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Love your posts. My friend Carole forwarded you to me. I’d like to be on your ‘list’ but couldn’t find the right side bar you mentioned- to be able to do so.
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Barb Wendel
Barb – Thanks so much and welcome! (Carole is the best.) I wonder if you’re not seeing the subscribe option because the post was forwarded to you via the email campaign? I hope if you go directly to my site (dianerivers.me), you’ll find it in the right sidebar. Let me know if you still have problems and I will add you myself. Thanks for your kind comments.
What a lovely cast of “characters” you have give us! I have not heard this phrase, but like it. I can think of many children who have taught me much about loving well, and have some very warm memories of my very own daughters teaching me about vulnerability, openness, and kindness.
Children do tend to be good teachers of this concept if we let them. I’m sure in the education field you have often found yourself on both the receiving and the giving end of much good instruction in that regard! As you wisely point out, the parenting process also affords a natural opportunity for learning about loving well. Thanks, as always!
Great article Diane. I think I try to love well and I agree our children can be our greatest teachers. Maybe anyone who just can be present for someone, when needed is loving well.
Without a doubt, being present for someone when needed is definitely loving well. Jacque, you have always loved well and loved deeply. You’re a great example of this.
Beautiful examples, Diane.
My daughter always sends cards to people -just because, or for something specific going on in their lives.
As one who looks forward to the mail every day, just hoping there’s something in there that is personal and not a bill, I would find that totally thrilling! She does love well; must have been her good upbringing! 🙂