Early on in my single parenting years, I bought a fixer-upper house in a charming neighborhood full of young families with kids. A few short months after moving in, I joined a singles group at my new church.
I don’t know what made me do such a thing. I mean, the house was an investment and a way of bringing stability to a wobbly life. That part made sense.
But the singles group?
It sure wasn’t because I needed more to do. I was working an all-consuming, often dangerous job that required me to be on call 24/7. And now I had a house in dire need of TLC, a lawn to mow, a temperamental car to nudge along, and a not quite 3-year old to raise on my own.
But for whatever reason, I decided to give the “kickoff” singles event a whirl. I hired a babysitter and then went into image-management mode. I wanted to project the together, professional vibe; to give off a self-sufficient, polished air. I couldn’t have people knowing how hectic and chaotic my life really was.
No, I didn’t make a ton of new friends that first night nor did I feel measurably better about my singleness when the evening ended. (It took years for that to happen.) I just paid the babysitter and went to bed.
I kept attending, though, and pretty soon I got talked into being part of the “Newcomers’ Team” by a young staffer named Lorie. The first thing she wanted me to do was host a potluck dinner at my house for people new to the group.
Oh dear.
I did my best to get out of it. “I couldn’t possibly have people over. My wallpaper is hideous and it’s peeling off the walls. My kitchen floor is ugly and cracked. And I still haven’t finished unpacking. Things are a mess!”
She met every excuse I offered with, “Great! The new people will love the peeling wallpaper and the cracked floor; they probably have the same thing where they live. They’ll feel right at home in the middle of the stacks of boxes and toddler toys. What a relief for them to realize you’re not perfect, so they can relax and just be themselves!”
She had me. The following Friday night, our newly-formed team showed up with plates of food, put towels over the moving boxes and turned them into extra tables, and set up lawn chairs indoors. We all ended up laughing and talking for hours. No one said a word about the wallpaper.
That Christmas, instead of store-bought gifts, our singles group exchanged “vouchers” for services we could provide each other. The hair stylist gave a hair cut, the childless friend offered a night of babysitting, the gardener promised a free lawn cutting. And lucky me, I got the gift voucher from the handyman, who came over and removed that wallpaper. Best gift ever!
Some of the friendships forged in that singles group have continued for years. And to this day, I remember the lesson I learned from that first Newcomers’ Team get-together: that the very best kind of hospitality is not perfect. It’s hospitality that makes people feel included and accepted, that makes them feel okay even when they don’t have it all together.
Because I still don’t.
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Image credit: flickr.com by Puroticorio
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What a great story and lesson about hospitality! Really enjoyed reading it.
Thanks, Diana ~ I’m diving into your blog, too, and finding so much to like about it. I love your similes and how you draw lessons out of simple things like Pinterest and grapefruit. Thanks for stopping by here!
Love this, Diane! Thanks for sharing it! 😉
I’m so glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for commenting~
Great lesson here. I’m sure we all tend to put on our image-management. Service vouchers are a great idea!
The service vouchers truly leveled the gift-giving “playing field”. We all received something of value and we made some lasting friendships in the process. I have such fond memories of those days. Thanks for your input, Margaret!
Love reading your stories, Diane — keep up the good work!!
Really glad you stop by and read them, Bonnie!
Wonderful story, Diane. So many of us (I’m raising my hand) believe we need to have everything perfect, but all we need to do is extend our hands in friendship.
I fall back into that perfectionism regularly. It helps to be reminded that the extended hand is quite sufficient. Thanks for commenting, Joan!
I remember helping Mom and Pop get wallpaper off their walls. I will work two extra jobs to NEVER have to do that again.
It’s a miserable job, that’s for sure, and as I recall, that wallpaper was really old and really stuck So you can imagine how valuable it was to me to have that guy help me!
Hi Di – You will have to read the email I sent you yesterday – it is about moving! Really enjoyed this article, I seem to be having a hard time reaching out and can’t seem to find true connections in this area – hope all is well
And I was just responding to your email when I saw you commented here. Thank you! I understand that difficulty reaching out. It’s always a risk and sometimes it works out better than others. Gotta keep trying, though. Thanks for connecting, Jacque.
Love this! Because I love hospitality and I never have things together. 🙂
I think you’re very together, Jill. In fact, I think you’re downright amazing. Thanks for weighing in here!
Ha! Together! You haven’t seen my house! (Which, by the way, is a situation we should rectify.)
This reminded me of this blog post, which I think you would enjoy. 🙂
http://www.knoxpriest.com/scruffy-hospitality-creates-space-friendship/
Also, I like you. 🙂
“Scruffy hospitality” – I love it. Thanks, Jill, for the link and the like.
How refreshing! What a great group you found!
God brought them into my life at just the right time. I was very blessed.
Great story! Sometimes it seems events and groups choose us as much as we choose them, and often at just the right time.