Is Singleness A “Workaround”?
We hear the term “workaround” used a lot these days, especially in the information technology world, where the term usually refers to solving some kind of hardware or programming problem. Once the problem is fixed, the workaround is abandoned. Wikipedia defines a workaround as “a temporary fix that implies that a genuine solution to the problem is needed.”
I think a lot of people view singleness that way: a temporary fix, a stopgap measure to use until the “problem” is fixed. Many, including singles themselves, consider singleness a life stage to get through, with marriage as the ultimate “solution”.
Have you ever thought of singleness as a workaround?
If you’re married, you may consider your single friends incomplete or unfinished (maybe even broken). You may have “fixed them up” with other singles in an effort to help them find a date and a mate. (And they may have appreciated it!)
If you’re single, you may have put your life on hold until marriage, even without realizing it, and have begun to wonder if you’re ever going to get to live that life you envisioned. If you’ve been married before, you may be hoping for another chance and you, too, have put yourself in a holding pattern “until”…
Many who are single have found themselves there as the result of a death, a divorce, or a painful breakup that they never anticipated. Whatever the circumstances, singleness need not be a fragile kind of “cobbled together” existence to be merely endured.
Looking at singleness through a New Testament lens gives a whole different perspective to the concept of singleness. Jesus himself chose to be single and used it as a particular opportunity for dedicated service to God in this life. His was a life rich in relationships, meaning, and deep intimacy with God. He challenged others to remain single if they could (Matthew 19:12), and set a perfect example of effective ministry and genuine love for others. He enjoyed a mutual companionship with His Father through prayer and meditation that was fully satisfying.
What if singleness is not just a stage to endure but a status of great significance to embrace with joy? What if singles really can enjoy a deeply satisfying intimacy with Christ and a thrilling experience of the true community He experienced?
Singles can be transformed in their Christian faith now – whether or not they eventually marry – and they are uniquely positioned to play a critical role in God’s overall plan to redeem humanity. That’s no workaround.
What is your perspective on singleness? Is it a limitation or a desirable status with potential for meaningful service?
How can we as Christ followers think “outside the box” about singleness?
What are some stereotypes that stand in the way and how can we rethink them?
Follow
- Maybe This Will Help - February 10, 2017
- I’m Firing Olivia Pope - January 24, 2017
- I’m crossing some things off my list this year - January 11, 2017
- I learned a new word - November 30, 2016
- The best question I’m asking myself these days - July 18, 2016
- A tragic story with a tender twist - May 17, 2016
- Gosh, people are a mess - May 12, 2016
- I’ll take the red carnation, thank you – revisiting an odd tradition - May 2, 2016
- The surprising thing about “weakness” - April 20, 2016
- The holiness of a four-way stop - April 13, 2016
Hi Diane, love this post. Though I am married, I found I had a very different attitude from the first time I went through cancer (as a single person) and the second time I went through cancer (married). I became very selfish towards death the second time b/c now the cancer was something threatening the relationship I had with my husband. Heaven was no longer something to look forward to, but something to fear because it would end the relationship I had with my husband. I could understand why Paul wrote that it is better for a man to not to marry – his affairs are after the Lords, not split and distracted among earthly desires (ok, so my paraphrase). It was a huge wake up call for me to shift my priorities back where they belonged!
Thanks, Erica, for your thoughtful comment. I am married now, too, but I spent 18 years as a single parent and never clearly heard the message from the pulpit that singles are equally valued by God and have great significance in His kingdom. In fact, more often I heard mine referred to as a “broken home” and my heart broke over that kind of language, even though it surely was not intended to hurt me. I am now writing a book (the one I pitched on the cruise) with a pastor friend to encourage singles and help them understand their true value. They really need to hear it and own it. I plan to blog more about it! Thanks again.