Let’s Reclaim the Value of Singleness

It’s 7:00 on a Friday night and the lobby is filling up fast. The women are dressed to the nines, sizing up the other women, trying to get a read on the “competition”, while the outnumbered men – looking a little awkward and uncomfortable themselves – are checking out the women.  There’s a band starting up in the auditorium and the air is electric with expectation.

It’s not a rock concert.  It’s a singles “Kickoff” event at a suburban church.

The newcomers have a hard time distinguishing between the pulsing bass and their own thrumming heartbeats.  The seasoned pros practice looking nonchalant, bobbing their heads and tapping their fingers to the beat of the music.  Everyone is nervous and hopeful.

A young widow fights the urge to turn around and run back to her car. A newly-divorced accountant wonders if this was such a good idea after the stressful day he just had.  The single mom hopes the evening won’t end with her wishing she had stayed home with her preschooler. The never-married machinist hopes no one remembers the unintentional slur against “40 year old single guys” from the pulpit a few weeks ago.  And the professional woman debates whether to tell the men she is in law enforcement or make something up, just for tonight. 

There are people there with secrets they don’t want anyone to know and others with gaping emotional wounds. Most are just lonely and longing to be understood. And truth be told, all of them are hoping to find someone who will want to know them, value them, and make them whole.  


The scene above plays out regularly, year after year, in churches nationwide:  Singles looking to get out of being single, wanting to find someone with whom they can enjoy and share life.  Many never realize they could be taking advantage of a remarkable opportunity for personal healing, meaningful community, and unique intimacy with Christ as a single, whether or not they eventually marry.

They are missing their chance to be “Whole-Hearted Singles”.

What if singleness was not just a life stage to get through on the way to something “better”, but a status of great significance to embrace, whether for a season or a lifetime?

Do you believe singles really can enjoy a deeply satisfying intimacy with Christ and a thrilling experience of the true community He wants for His followers?

Did you know there’s a Biblical basis for singleness that raises the value of singles and gives them equal status and significance in the eyes of God?

I’m writing a book about this with a seasoned pastor at my church.  Your input – whether you are single or married – is more than welcome!

About Diane Rivers

Diane is a native Floridian whose career as an FBI Agent got her transferred to the North. She's retired from that gig now and "repurposed" as a freelance writer, author, and sometimes poet who blogs about the bumpy, bone-jostling ride of her “workaround” life. She loves Jesus, her family, black coffee, kayaking, biking, and hiking, and she looks forward to eternity with the One who will make all things beautiful. (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

2 thoughts on “Let’s Reclaim the Value of Singleness”

  1. Re: …Value of Singleness.
    I read your post with interest, having been single for the last 18 years or so. Many of those years were spent just getting past a failed marriage.
    I have come to realize a few things along the way:

    1. Happiness is an inside job. One can not rely upon another to ‘complete’ their life. With faith in the Trinity, our paths are set.
    We (I) walk the path presented, hopefully to realize the lessons in life necessary to become happy and contented.

    2.Secrets are an impediment to completeness. If I hide behind my shortcomings, my emotional wounds, then a lot of effort needs to be put into keeping up the shield of insecurity. Calculated half truths, prevarication towards misdirection to keep those around us from seeing the ‘real me’.

    3. Lastly, loneliness and longing to be accepted for me as I am is more important than being understood, There are those whom will never understand my ways because of their own lifes experiences, and pre-ordained responses to given stimuli. (we are creatures of habit).

    Summing up, If I live my life with the attitude of uplifting my fellow brethern, helping those less fortunate than myself, attempting to stay in His Light, then in Gods time, He will put into my life a woman to compliment (not complete) my life. One who is capable of accepting me as I am, able to forgive my faults and insecurities asI am able to forgive hers.

    After all we are just human in the flesh.

    I wish you luck and await further posts/ notes on this topic.


    1. Thanks, Steve, for such a thoughtful response. I love the observation, “Secrets are an impediment to completeness” – how true. And yet, how naturally we default to hiding. And you’re so right that happiness is an inside job. Accepting personal responsibility seems to be on the wane in our “victim mentality” society. We are fortunate as Christians to have an Advocate in our journey toward wholeness. Thanks again, Steve, for your articulate and thought-provoking comments.

Your feedback is welcome!